Distraction free mode

Distraction free mode. This is nice. I feel like I can write anything. The things I'm writing right now are the most real, the real me, from my heart. It must be, I'm not distracted.

I'm usually distracted, I mean, I usually distract myself. I'm in hiding. There is someone inside me, someone strong and pure, but I'm afraid of him.

How can I not find the flow when I'm writing? It always seem forced. Let it slide. Must it be bullshit if you don't think about it first? If you don't think, it must mean you feel. It hit me, it's actually flowing right now, I can't remember writing anything like this before. I always need to be in control. It stresses me when I'm not two steps ahead, which is why I'm always lagging behind. The absence of something is more unlikely than its presence, even if that something is nothing but fiction. Useless thoughts conjured forcefully in my head.

What's the point of thinking? Then again, what's the point of not thinking? Already here we see the conflict. The conflict arises when there must be something absolute. We would like to solve problems once and for all. Instead they linger. Thinking too much is tiresome, thinking too little is boring. "Just being" is impossible.

There is someone I know who is the most beautiful creature alive. She is sleeping right now, I love her. She's so nice to me, I love her.

Tomorrow is our last day, he's decided. No more of this stupification. I'm a stupificista. Damn. I wish I could return to where I was, was this a wrong turn? When did I lose my way? Maybe I just don't see what it means yet.

Life is like a movie, literally. It's like you're this insanely little, maybe invisible, guy. The guy is sitting inside my head, controlling me, like a machine, I mean, crane operator. Pulling levers back and forth with a thrill in his eyes. Everything is new all the time.

When you're going from one place or time to another, it seems like you're moving, but you're standing still. The little guy is experiencing the movement, but it's not real. He is taking you where he wants, you are simply following along. It takes a while to notice.